Fuck Everything, Nation Reports
Geege Schuman stashed this in America
Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault rifle—a fucking combat rifle, Jesus—walked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live.
I mean, honestly, all 315 million Americans confirmed.
Unusual amount of profanity for The Onion, isn't it?
Yeah, well, The Onion has a gift for capturing and responding to acute national angst.
From another time of deep feels, The Onion delivers: http://www.theonion.com/articles/hijackers-surprised-to-find-selves-in-hell,1445/