Dread Cthulhu Leads His Cult to Milestone Year - Boing Boing
Jared Sperli stashed this in fun
2012 was a milestone year for the Dark Cult, with the dread message spreading to more than 10,000 conclaves and covens in 167 nations--figures that represent a growth rate 20 times that of a decade ago.
The driving force behind this unparalleled era of growth is Cthulhu himself, who is not only a cosmic entity of inordinate and terrible power, but also chairman of the board of the Esoteric Order of Dagon. Mr. Cthulhu is unrelenting in His work, providing charitable assistance to worthwhile causes, serving communities with fresh humanitarian initiatives, and afflicting all mankind with a transcendent anxiety though His eldritch murmurs.
Mr. Cthulhu spearheaded a program to turn every House of R'lyeh into what Dagon Father Obed Marsh termed "Ideal Orgs." This new breed of Church is ideal in location, design, and the exact form of its shrieking and immemorial lunacies. Each non-euclidean edifice is uniquely configured to accommodate the full array of Dagon services for both parishioners and the surrounding community, housing extensive public information multimedia displays upon its vast, cyclopean masonry. Chapels serve to host Sunday Services, congregational gatherings and, of course, human sacrifices.
David Miscavige Leads Scientology to Milestone Year [The Atlantic] (Update: they took it down. Here's a cached copy.)