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How to Be a Manly Nerd

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How does one become a manly nerd? The answer is just as simple.

You do manly things.

For example, every morning, I wake up from my nesting pile of bearskin pelts and immediately plunge into an ice-cold spring-water bath in order to facilitate maximal hair follicle growth on my face, chest, back, and pendulous member. After the brisk cleanse, I dry off by shaking my rippling muscles in a vigorous twitching pattern, much like that of a dire wolf shedding rain. I then run down a nearby small game animal, spit and roast it over a hand-built fire, and toss the bones to my pet crocodile, Frederick.

Read more: Chris Kluwe, NFL Punter: How to Be a Manly Nerd - Esquire 

He had me at pet crocodile.

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