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America's foods - state-by-state, equally disrespected


http://deadspin.com/the-great-american-menu-foods-of-the-states-ranked-an-1349137024

disrespect cat

Sampling:

20. Texas-style barbecue brisket (Texas)

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

Beyond the smoky tastiness of all barbecue, the virtues of the Texas-style barbecue brisket are as follows: It is very large. The end.

24. Lobster roll (Maine)

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

Here is a list of accoutrements cooked lobster meat does not need:

1) Bread2) Anything else

Only Maine could turn lobster into a goddamn hot dog.

28. Scrapple (Pennsylvania)

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

But the cheesesteak mer m'mer Phiwwy cheesesteak mer! Shut it. The famous grease-and-garbage sandwich belongs to the city of Philadelphia, which A) is the worst place on Earth, and B) doesn't come close to representing the entire state of Pennsylvania. In a given day, 500 times as many Pennsylvanians are scraping possums off the motorway to add volume to their scrapple as are standing in line with the tourists in the Junior Varsity Metropolis to have a bucket of Cheez Whiz dumped onto a fistful of thinly sliced sewer rat. Your state food is this salty, greasy, gray, abjectly horrifying pig-rectum-mash, and, fuck you, it is delicious.

(Also, a 9-year-old in her parents' kitchen could make a tastier cheesesteak in 10 minutes than any to be found in Philadelphia. Thhhppbbpbpbppbbp.)

44. Lutefisk (North Dakota)

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

Lutefisk (Norwegian for "lye-fish") is a traditional Nordic preparation whereby dried whitefish is soaked in fucking oven cleaner for no goddamn reason for a long time until it is no longer dry, salty, and disgusting, but gelatinous and pungent and five trillion times as disgusting. There is no reason to eat it ever. There is no reason for it to exist. What the fuck is wrong with Nordic people.

48. Boiled dinner (New Hampshire)

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

This is pretty much what it sounds like: You put a big wad of meat and some bland tuberous growths into a pot, cover them with water, clamp on a lid, and then parade around smugly barking about the importance of your dipshit state's presidential primary until the water has successfully annihilated any traces of flavor or character from your food, so that it can more closely resemble the people who will be eating it.

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Makes me want to click and see the rest of the article.

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