50 Reasons to Smoke Weed Tonight
Adam Rifkin stashed this in Marijuana
Lauren Martin provides this list to her fellow millenials:
You just want to smoke a blunt and curl up on the couch. You want to hit the bong, smoke a spliff and enjoy the wonders of toking, lighting and sparking up. Because that’s really the best kind of Friday night there is, isn’t it?
No hangover, no money spent and no people to put up with. It’s just you and maybe a few friends, or maybe none at all. It’s Netflix, Ben and Jerry’s and your hilarious cat. And let’s be real here, the aftermath of taking a blunt to the face is never near that of the bottle.
However, I know it can be hard to tell all those people who act like it’s a personal offense if you don’t go out with them that you just want to stay in and smoke.
So when all your friends and colleagues are coaxing you to get wasted with them tonight, just pick one of our 50 excuses as to why you are just going to stay in and smoke weed tonight.
1. Because it’s cheaper… depending on your weed supply.
2. Because your parents never loved you.
3. Because you can replace alcohol with food.
4. Because the weather sucks.
5. Because Netflix.
6. Because “Gravity” just came out on HBO On Demand.
7. Because sweatpants are more comfortable.
8. Because you have a bottle of red wine and there’s no better combination.
9. Because you have to wake up tomorrow.
10. Because Seth Rogen does it.
11. Because Ben and Jerry’s was made for nights like these.
12. Because being hungover isn’t fun.
13. Because everything will be funnier.
14. Because you haven’t listened to your record player yet.
15. Because you need more alone time.
16. Because you’d rather not throw up.
17. Because it tastes so good.
18. Because it smells great.
19. Because you can eat it with a brownie.
20. Because it won’t make you call anyone you shouldn’t.
21. Because it will put things into perspective.
22. Because it’s healthier.
23. Because it won’t kill you.
24. Because it won’t kill anyone else.
25. Because you need to work on that science fiction novel.
26. Because you just downloaded the “Jimi Hendrix Experience.”
27. Because “Pulp Fiction” is on Netflix.
28. Because you won’t embarrass yourself in front of your coworkers.
29. Because it won’t make you bloated.
30. Because it’s more fun.
31. Because it makes sex better.
32. Because it helps with depression.
33. Because it will put you to sleep.
34. Because it will show you yourself.
35. Because it’s natural.
36. Because it won’t poison you.
37. Because it helps you think clearly.
38. Because it won’t disturb the neighbors.
39. Because it won’t land you a night in the drunk tank.
40. Because you don’t have to buy it drinks.
41. Because it won’t make you think you’re an amazing dancer.
42. Because it won’t cost you a cab ride home.
43. Because you wanna see your dealer.
44. Because you like the color green.
45. Because there’s a new foreign film you want to watch.
46. Because you want to set a good example.
47. Because you follow the religion of the herb.
48. Because you’d rather not listen to horrible club music.
49. Because you miss your bed.
5o. Because you respect yourself too much.
Clearly this list is not in order.
But one thing comes to mind: who needs 50 reasons to smoke weed?
adam, you are hilarious!
i was sold with number 7: "because sweatpants are more comfortable."
but red wine and weed? i had no idea. wine isn't really my thing. :)
(2 and 50 see to be in direct conflict with one another!)
I had never heard of "Red Wine and Weed" before but it would make a great band name!
So I added it:
"Because sweatpants are more comfortable is ALWAYS a good reason."
And you're right, 2 and 50 are at odds. But that's okay. Logical fallacies are fine for marijuana.
20 spoke to me.
26 could be "because you downloaded Yes".
No regrettable phone calls is a bonus.
As for 26...