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How Men Value Independence in Wives — and Daughters

Stashed in: Women, @jguynn, Awesome, Sexism, inequality, life, XX, Sexism, Women, Change the Ratio, Women in Tech

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What qualities do men truly admire in a woman that there is 0% chance they would ever want to Fuck, Marry, or Kill -- and actually that they don't particularly want OTHER men to Fuck, Marry, or Kill either? Turns out that they'd prefer them to be a lot more gender-neutral, that's what.

I discovered this article through a Jessica Guynn retweet:

The inconsistency here really bothers me:

These blurred lines and conflicted feelings about relationships with women are present in another way. Men were asked to select from a list of 10 terms the two or three qualities they deem most important in a wife or female partner. From the same list, they were asked to identify the most important qualities in their daughter when she grows up. Intelligence topped the list for a wife or female partner at 72% and for a daughter  at 81%. But the ranking of qualities on both lists diverge after this, sometimes with wide gaps. While 45% of men consider being attractive one of the most important qualities for their wife or female partner, just 11% said so for their daughter. Similarly, 34% specified being sweet as a key quality for a female partner, but just 19% said the same for a daughter. Conversely, men are much more likely to cite being independent (66% for daughter; 34% for wife/female partner) and strong (48% daughter, 28% wife/female partner) as most important qualities for a daughter.

Reading the survey as a whole, the qualities that men want most in a daughter – intelligent, independent, strong, and principled – are the qualities that help women thrive in the workplace. But this, in turn, is what men say has made it harder to be a man today.

WTF?! It looks like a lot of men set different standards for their wives vs their daughters?

Do they not see the logical inconsistency here??

not sure attractive was the right word for this survey

What would have been a better word?

Not sure why the inconsistency really bothers you Adam.  I'm grateful for it:

Sure I want my daughter to be attractive, but that's one of the least compelling virtues I want her to posses.  Not so with my criteria for choosing a wife... her attractiveness AND intelligence are of course high up on my list.  Why this inconsistency?

Because I rightfully am thinking of my own selfish desires of relating to my daughter and my wife as individuals, not as classes of society.

And the last thing I want in relating to my daughter is a raging boner when I look at her; but that's still pretty high on my list of desires for what I want when I look at my wife.  What's wrong with that selfishness?  Should I prescribe blandness to all my appetites in order to be perceived as equitable to a gender?  Should I eat at Luby's?

I'm not particularly excited by humanity's current obsession with treating women like meat in the west or wrapping them up like frozen vegetables in the middle east, but sex and sexiness sells products to both women and men everywhere.  And when it finally doesn't, it won't.

You simply can't take the carnality of sex out of the sexes, but we have to respect social taboos in the cultures we live in and their power over us to make smart, inequitable choices.

I'm in no hurry to taste the greater liberating expansions of equitable sexual attraction by incest, nor diminish my attraction to my wife's physicality through compliance with androgynous standards... though other cultures have throughout history.  Pity for them.

I guess life just ain't fair on value assessments for every dimension of existence and I just happen to have no problem with that divergence regarding my own perceptions of priorities in different value attributes for my daughter and my wife.  

I'm sure my daughter's lovers (whether male or female) will prioritize their views of my daughter differently when their time comes.  Who knows – not my problem nor my care.

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