How to Know You Will Be Extraordinarily Successful, by Jeff Haden
4. You're incredibly empathetic.
Unless you create something entirely new--which is really hard to do--your business or profession is based on fulfilling an existing need or solving a problem.
It's impossible to identify a need or a problem without the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes. That's the mark of a successful businessperson.
But exceptionally successful leaders go a step further, regularly putting themselves in the shoes of their employees. (Here's what that looks like in practice.)
Success isn't a line trending upwards. Success is a circle, because no matter how high your business--and your ego--soars, success still comes back to your employees.
9. You realize that success is fleeting, but dignity and respect last forever.
Providing employees with higher pay, better benefits, and greater opportunities is certainly important. But no level of pay and benefits can overcome damage to self-esteem and self-worth. (Here's a heartbreaking story that illustrates the point.)
The most important thing successful people provide their employees, customers, vendors -- everyone they meet -- is dignity.
What a bunch of crap: damage to self-esteem and self-worth?
The operative noun there is "self", who remains supremely responsible for enduring such psycho-babble from others and emerging intact. Apparently Eleanor Roosevelt's aphorism is lost in the fog of "look at me" without a willingness to pay the bill for such indulgences:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
As to the other moronic advice above: as an employee, manager, owner and investor I show up with plenty enough dignity... I need more money and free time to spend it on loved ones. That's what successful people provide others. That's the only people I hope to have around me regarding any commercial activity.
Empathy is fine, but Dignity is way overrated and should be relegated to the backseat of human wants and egocentric needs – like children they can come along for the ride, but you don't want them driving the car.
(Am I stirring the pot enough, Adam?)
Yes you are.
My takeaway is that self-respect is something people regret compromising.
And it sounds like you have plenty of self-respect! :)
Haha! Yes, it's true. And I wish the same for everyone... we're all equally deserving of it.
Do you think self-respect comes from practice or were you born this way?
Both, and it doesn't matter one whit from whence we imagine it arising...
In my experience what matters most for self-respect is when you come to your own view of valuing it and wanting it and then setting about whatever is necessary to achieve it... and then it is inevitable to possess it and inspire others by it.
And the wonderful thing about self-respect is that at any point in time all of the essential ingredients and paths for achieving it (even to regain it if lost or misplaced once, twice or more) are, by eponymous definition, within one's self:
Self-respect is the real beef enjoyed in all cultures and the most nutritious zero calorie consumable you'll ever create for yourself regardless your ethnic edible preferences...
Self-Respect: it's what's for dinner.
All right then practice, practice, practice is the key.
A slight distinction is highly consequential here with such a seemingly simple, prescriptive recipe:
Be absolutely certain you're doing a progressive practice, practice, practice –
That means an absence of rote, misapplied and bad practices – if not:
Better to have never begun.
Okay so how does one practice self respect with intention?
That's easy Adam... what's your definition of respect?
Sense of worth and excellence!
Do you know what "sense of worth" and "excellence" feels like whenever you experience it?
Yes but I don't necessarily know what brings those feelings.
Well, I'm here to tell you: it's daily practice of such internal feeling states... that's what brings any of them into being.
Practice feeling any emotion: feel love daily and you'll be able to feel love more often; practice feeling anger and so on and they will accompany you until your doom ...etc.
If you can't simply hold forth and daily practice feeling the emotions you want to feel without an external stimuli to evoke those affects within, then the easiest non-esoteric way forward is to join an improv group, or take improv classes, so you have formal "permission" to practice emoting whatever feelings you choose. You will then be able to increase your awareness of "sense of worth" and "excellence" measurably. Stay with the classes until you can give yourself permission and perhaps the internal awareness of how to emote those feeling states on your own.
If you're the shy type and prefer to retire from emotive interactions with others just practice at home alone: get Dr. Manfred Clynes kit, Sentic Cycles, for $49.95 and you can perfectly master your own emotions within 26 minutes of guided daily practice, available here:
There are other options, but start with these... or not. It's always choice... whether or not we take it.
Thanks Rob. I thought that sense of worth and excellence were the consequence of actions.
Never occurred to me that a person could just feel those things without doing something excellent.
You can feel anything you choose at any time. Dr. Clynes proved that emotions are unidirectional rate sensitive expressions that do not require any specific internal or external stimulation ... humans are infinitely trainable in the most compelling and consequential ways to emote on command, or not: remember Malcolm McDowel in Clockwork Orange...
...well, one doesn't have to go to such extremes, unless you wish to compress time to a visceral, enduring result.
Simple daily practice will do enough to habituate yourself into feeling whatever you want to feel as an internal state that is associated with whatever single afferent or efferent signal you choose, or better yet – no signal at all, other than simply willing it so.
Just look at any great actor for proof... and by great actor I don't mean mediocre method actors, psychologically damaged souls who can't control themselves, or those who simply are who they are in every role they play on camera. That's not acting.
Sounds like "fake it till you are it".
Well, in all honesty there is no faking... either you invoke the feeling and have it, or you don't.
Perhaps you might also be saying that we might not know how we are invoking a feeling, or that we can depend upon external stimuli to invoke it, until we do... and that's all true.
But you're still having the feeling... or you're not. There's no way to fake yourself around getting into that reality until you actually do – or out of it, which is quite unfortunate for some.
There's no "fake it till you make it" for feelings?
Seems like forcing oneself to to feel something is faking it, but perhaps I'm missing something.
No, that's conflating motivation with an ability to do something.
Not the same thing and one doesn't force the other unless you design it that way:
I can bitch-slap my congressman at any time; there's a variety of motivations for doing so, as well as not...
One doesn't require the other to be real or un-fake.
You said you can feel anything you choose. So it's authentic because you choose it?
Even if you weren't feeling it before you deliberately chose it?
What's your definition of authentic?
Acknowledging feelings as they happen, and expressing them.
Ok. I'm all for acknowledging feelings as they happen. So we agree here. And because of that I've also found:
Circumstances doesn't prevent our choice of which emotions to prefer, or our abilities to act our choice and change the immediate feelings we're having at any moment into other feelings we prefer. For example:
I started out feeling really depressed, so I just started laughing and now I feel much better.
I wouldn't call this sequence inauthentic. I accepted a feeling as it happened and then I chose to experience different ones – the feeling of depression was real as it happened, the feeling of laughter was real as it happened, my internal terroir of feeling was much better afterwards and also real – and thankfully much better than when I started. That was my intention and it worked.
So to me there is no fake it in any of this feeling experience in order to make it regarding your first point of authenticity – "Acknowledging feelings as they happen." In fact the entire process of actually making it, the alchemy of this emotional experience into a successful journey from depression to feeling better, is driven entirely by acknowledging real emotions, perhaps even intensely so, and then acting upon that awareness.
The second part of your definition of authentic is perhaps where we might differ, "...and expressing them." I don't believe the following to be true, but some people do and you might:
Authentic emotions are expressed entirely naturally, unconsciously, spontaneously and reactively, such as:
Laughing out loud at jokes
Laughing out loud at people's bungling mistakes
Laughing out loud at funerals...
Well, we agree this emotion is authentic whenever it arises... now here is where I'm unclear about what the second part of your statement on authenticity is saying:
Is it inauthentic not to express this emotion naturally and etc as it arises?
Is it inauthentic if we simply choose to express this same emotion differently than spontaneously laughing out loud?
Is it inauthentic to simply choose another emotion to feel in its place?
Is my only option for authenticity to live an emotional life chained to the residues of my cultural upbringing and whatever Konrad Lorenzian circumstances made me prefer ejaculating on women's shoes, because that's the feeling I'm having at the moment? (No, not really – just for effect)
And so on and so forth until you reach enough of however many more urls are serving such emotional nourishment to who we hope are authentic outliers in our society...
I believe all of us always have more than a zero sum option between being authentic and being conscious. And especially so over our emotional choices, our ability to choose them freely and express them competently with whatever tension exists between social grace and the personal enjoyment we prefer. And this is my experience and opinion:
I've found that my emotions are mine and belong to me, not to my circumstances. And this is ever-greater freedom for me.
Whether or not my emotions diverge from or align with social acceptance and cultural norms is not my point – I'm not judging or saying what people should or shouldn't feel or how they should express their emotional states. My point is that I've come to experience it's my responsibility to acknowledge and express all my emotions. And I've come to value experiencing them all – both as personal daily hygiene and as a multiple, daily vitamin...
I've also discovered it takes very little extra effort to fully housebreak them around circumstances ... and that's been much appreciated by my family and our occasional guests.
You've given me a lot to think about. Outputs are the consequence of inputs, not randomness.
Hopefully something to feel about too... ;)
Yes but it's more than a feeling.
Hadn't thought of that but now that you mention it, I may be dreaming.
That person: It's whence, not from whence.
Whence upon a time?
You changed your original post to "Whence upon a time?" upstream from my below post... lol
I figured that made for a more fun flow into your final statement on this page. :)