Aziz Ansari breaks modern love down for you, like your smart former college roommate.

"It was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner."

"Online every Bozo can be a stud."

I asked what was wrong, and he replied, “She likes the Red Sox.” I was completely shocked. I couldn’t believe how quickly he had moved on. Imagine the Derek of 20 years ago, finding out that this beautiful, charming woman was a real possibility for a date. If she were at a bar and smiled at him, Derek of 1993 would have melted. He wouldn’t have walked up and said, “Oh, wait, you like the Red Sox?! No thank you!” before putting his hand in her face and turning away. But Derek of 2013 simply clicked an X on a web-browser tab and deleted her without thinking twice. Watching him comb through those profiles, it became clear that online, every bozo could now be a stud.

If by "stud" you mean a guy who isn't getting any dates...

LOL. But seriously, Red Sox fan IS a deal breaker.

"In his book Dataclysm, OkCupid founder Christian Rudder estimates, based on data from his own site, that photos drive 90% of the action in online dating."