The secret to never being frustrated again
Eric Barker stashed this in Diabolical Plans For World Domination
The tyranny of "should"
Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Here's what you need to take away from Ellis' work:
You don't get frustrated because of events. You get frustrated because of your beliefs.
And where did this idea start? Ancient philosophy. Stoicism. That's where Ellis found the concept. And then he proved it really worked.
It's as easy as ABCD. Really.
A is adversity. Traffic is awful.
B is your beliefs. And often they're irrational. "This shouldn't happen to me." Well, guess what, Bubba? It is happening.
C is consequences. You get angry, frustrated, or depressed.
In very few cases can you change A. But you can change B. And that will change C. So let's bring in the 4th letter.
D: Dispute your irrational beliefs. "Wait a second. When did the universe guarantee me a trouble-free existence? It didn't. Traffic has happened before. It will happen again. And I will survive."
Look for beliefs that hold the words "should", "ought," or "must." That's where the problems lie.
You're allowed to wish, want and desire. Nobody is saying you need to be an emotionless lump.
What did Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, say way back in the first century AD? "People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them."
How about the Buddha? "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world."
Hmmmm....not sure I embrace ABCD.....seems to be a defensive approach to adversity. Another way might be to view adversity as an opportunity to problem solve/find new a better ways to cope.....