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Business Sales Guy Just Wants To Touch Base With You


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This reads like an Onion article. :)

“Your business model looks positive and we believe our thinking outside-the-box approach will be beneficial for you going forward,” he added.

Making absolutely no verbal sense whatsoever, the recently hired college graduate followed up his cold-call with a series of jargon ridden emails – if anything – to help him recap on the vast amount of bullshit he just spewed.

However, when asked what base he wanted to touch exactly, the confused sales man was immediately thrown off guard and forced to confer with the rest of the sales team, who were also left bewildered by the odd but up-front question.

Panicking over the challenge, CEO Karl Murray decided to take the correspondent reigns from Corcoran, sending a large list of buzzwords to you in an attempt to save face.

“Return of investment. Touchpoint. Mindshare?” he wrote in the desperate response, hoping its vague nature would somehow make some sort of sense to you. “Crystallization? Logistics? Going forward?”

Following your failure to reply, Integrated Marketing Solution Dublin later announced it will be downsizing its operations over the next few weeks in a bid to figure out what it is exactly the company does.

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