Fear Of Rejection: 2 Ways To Beat It, Backed By Research
Eric Barker stashed this in Diabolical Plans For World Domination
Jia Jiang's dream was to be an entrepreneur — and that means a lot of rejection. So how could he beat the fear?
By turning it into a game. For 100 days he made ridiculous requests of strangers, expecting to get rejected.
And get rejected he did. A lot. But he also got a number of unexpected “yes” responses as well:
- Knocking on a stranger’s door, ball in hand, he asked “Can I play soccer in your backyard?” The response? “Come on in.”
- He asked a policeman if he could drive his car. The answer? “Do it.”
- And when he asked workers at Krispy Kreme if they’d make him donuts shaped like the Olympic Rings, they did. For free.
Watch his TED talk:
The two big insights:
- Treat situations where we might be rejected as a game. It’s not life-or-death. Reframe stress as a challenge.
- The cure for rejection is those who love us. You need acceptance. When you don’t get it, it hurts. So turn to where you know you will find it: the people who already love you.
By making rejection a game, you can try new things without fear. You can strive without worry.
And what you’ll find is what Jia found: people are often more receptive than you think. Research shows we underestimate how much others are willing to help us.
Studies demonstrate that the old saying is accurate: you regret most the things you did not do.
With loved ones around us, rejection doesn’t hurt for very long. Regret, on the other hand, can last a lifetime.