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It’s not what you say; it’s what people hear. ~Frank Luntz

Stashed in: #lifehacks, Listen!, @bakadesuyo, Awesome, Body Language, Life Hacks, Relationships

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Eric Barker's "How To Be Loved By Everyone: 6 Powerful Secrets" says to be a great listener:

  1. Be a detective. You need to be interested. The best way to do that is to play detective and be curious.
  2. How little can you say? Ask questions. Paraphrase to make sure you understand. Past that, just shut up.
  3. Can you summarize to their approval? If you paraphrase what they said and they reply, “Exactly” — you win.
  4. Don’t try to fix them. Be Socrates. Help them find their own solution. People remember their own ideas best.
  5. Monitor body language. Eye contact and open postures are good. Touch their elbow to help create a bond.
  6. Review the common mistakes we all make. And then don’t do them.

Listen and people will listen back. In fact, they’ll do more than that. They will come to trust and love you.

4) Don’t Try To Fix Them. Be Socrates.

People do need help. But nobody likes being told what to do. Um… difficult.

The key here is that everyone wants to maintain autonomy. Tell them how to solve their problems and they’ll resist.

Instead, ask questions so that they solve the problem on their own.

Via Powerful Listening. Powerful Influence. Work Better. Live Better. Love Better: by Mastering the Art of Skillful Listening:

“How can I listen to this person in a way that enables him to solve his own problem?”

Ask questions that might gently guide them toward a solution.

Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss recommends questions that start with “How” or “What.” These get someone thinking and talking instead of just replying “yes” or “no.”

There’s a quote by Frank Luntz that’s worth committing to memory:

It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.

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