How To Make Love Last: 3 Secrets Backed By Research
Eric Barker stashed this in Diabolical Plans For World Domination
Here’s how to make love last:
- You’re A Terrible Mind Reader: Stop assuming you know why they did something wrong. You don’t. Want the answer? Ask.
- Rose-Colored Glasses Are Good: If you’re going to try to read minds, assume the best. Otherwise, why the heck are you with this person?
- No Unspoken Rules: They can’t read minds either. Stop thinking “it’s obvious.” If it was obvious, you would not have this problem.
- Symbolic Meanings Confuse People: To you “being late” means “you don’t love me.” To them “being late” means “being late.” Clarify your interpretation or they’ll think you’re insane.
You’re not a bad person. And neither are they. It’s often just a misunderstanding. So treat it that way.
The secret to that crazy love is often just wearing those rose-colored glasses: believing your partner is the best and that they want the best for you. As J.D. Salinger once said:
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
Love the Salinger quote. I describe myself as pathologically optimistic - it helps. Also - fake it till you make it!
I've heard Adam Grant use the word pronoia to mean "people plotting to make me happy".
Optimism is good. I think optimistic people are luckier.