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Want to Raise Resilient Kids? A Navy SEAL Says Always Do This...

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I think his best piece of advice is this one:

5. Let others solve their own problems.

Certainly this doesn't mean letting other people founder or even flounder--especially your own children. However, there's often as much to be gained in learning how to solve problems as there is in solving the problems themselves.

"Your children should know that you're always there for them, and that they can call on you when needed," says Greitens. "But give them the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems."

More importantly, give them *a chance* to solve their own problems.  Too many parents these days jump in too early versus giving them guidance and letting them do it themselves.  

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."

George S. Patton

It's really really hard to watch someone struggle.

How do you know when's the right time to jump in?

Or is your point to NEVER jump in because they'll eventually figure something out?

Ask them questions. Use the Socratic Method.  :)

Socratic Method is essentially to just ask questions and not make statements, right?

There's a fine line between believing your kids can do stuff on their own and ignoring them.  :)

Yes, where IS that line exactly?

I don't think those two points are anywhere close.  I don't think anyone was proposing to ignore your kids, just give them the space and encouragement to solve things on their own.   Take a simple example.  When we got home last night it was dark, and the kids were disappointed that the Christmas lights weren't on.  I volunteered that we'd stay in the car and they can plug them in.  They went off to go plug it in and then gave up when they plugged the string into the extension, but didn't check if the extension was plugged in.  I didn't just there and ignore them, I asked them why they thought even though it was plugged in, why wasn't the power running through it or the lights going on?  Off they went to go solve it and they traced it back to the plug.  

They solved it themselves and feel like they figured it out themselves.  No ignoring involved.....

Socratic methods are good, but only if done in the right way.  It can be a little "hostile".  There's a fine line between challenging and encouraging. :-)

Well all methods can be hostile depending on the delivery. The Socratic Method is in one sense simple, but as the cliche goes, the devil is in the details. Doing it well isn't always easy, if it isn't a regularly practiced skill

It's similar to praising effort instead of innate skill. Asking questions encourages good habits of mind and action. But there are bad, good and better ways to engage in the practice. Taking the time to observe and understand the impact your own delivery has is very important. Of course then you have to adjust as you learn, and as your children grow and get more sophisticated.

I practice mostly on adults as a part of my job. It works best when people feel they've come up with the answers themselves, even though I may have been nudging them in a particular direction.

@James...of course.  Coming up with the answers themselves is always a great way to pursue and I like your view of taking the time to observe and understand. 

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