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"You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" ~ Deborah Tannen


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The basics, yet I still want him to ask...

What would you want him to ask?

The man asking me if I wanted to stop [to get something to drink]! No man/woman stuff, just two polite adults.

The gist of the book's situation here is pitting logic to feelings: A man and woman are out for a drive. She asks him if he'd like to stop; he says no... and keeps driving. She's hurt because he didn't ask the same to her. Man's logic is that if Woman wanted something, she'd say so. Woman's feelings dictate that he doesn't care about what she wants.

Tannen's book was published in 1990. And sigh... from a long-revered children's book, this is indicative of society's indoctrination against women as thinking, logical individuals. (... but she does get to use a different sink!):

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And fortunately altered, circa late '70s:

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Wow, thank you for that thoughtful explanation!

Definitely makes me want to ask a question the next time I am asked a question.

I never stopped to think that being asked a question is a signal for more than just an answer.

Wow.

Whenever someone asks me a question I answer it. 

I never realized that what they actually want might be for me to ask them a question.

So now I will think about that. 

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