yes...and the passion.

It's tough, Christine.

Because there are no guarantees that everything will be ok.

Then again, that's life, right?

it is tough...sometimes, the trick is to try to keep the definition of tough in perspective. so, right now, i compare my "problems" to those of the children in syria and i say to myself, i am lucky.

and then i become obsessed with trying to figure out how you stop grown men from shooting children...surely we can do better, right?

Yes, of course we can do better.

That said, you can't do everything. So you pick something.

Some particular problem to solve.

The tougher, the better.

And then you go at it with everything you've got.

...and then some...:O)

For me, what keeps me on the path is the fact that that life has been blown up... the ships are burned... that life is over and there's no going back.

Also, if you don't mind me saying so, and I only say this because I recognize a kindred spirit, but it also sounds like delayed PTSD. Looking death in the face and having it truly sink in that you are absolutely going to die gives us (at least me) the drive to do whatever it takes to not die meaninglessly and to at least not die like that, and that the fear of failure is insignificant in comparison.

hadn't thought about the PTSD, Jason, but you're probably right. funny you mentioned it. most of the people i was close to - friends, family, etc. - couldn't or wouldn't talk about any of it. if it ever came up, it was them talking about the politics of 9/11 or the trials or the killers own agendas. i had one friend go so far as to say that as far as she was concerned, we deserved 9/11 because of how we had been working at large in the world. i was stunned.

the only person i was ever able to talk to about any of it, the only person who ever asked me how i felt about any of it, was a combat hardened marine i knew. he was a lifeline for me if for no other reason than that he understood what it felt like.

and you are totally right about the fear of failure -- it seems so trivial after you go through things like that and time spent worrying about it is time not spent living fully and working to make a difference.

kindred spirit -- that made my day. :O)