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If I ate myself would I be twice as big or disappear completely ... ?

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Your mass would stay exactly the same... HOW HARD IS THAT TO COMPREHEND?

You would die.

It's a hypothetical question. Of course you would die! No one can eat themselves.

Ouroboros gif - Snake Eating Its Own Tail - PandaWhale

They would be cancelled out by the calories you'd get from putting BBQ sauce on yourself.

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