So many dating coaches, with less-than-pretty websites! I'm half tempted to not do law school and become a dating coach instead. 

do tell!

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty good at building life-long relationships. I've been friends with some people since kindergarten! That's like 20+ years now :) 

And my dating (mis)adventures could be put to good use, instead of just entertaining folks with their ridiculousness ;)

we should talk.

Agreed! 

I dated someone for three weeks who faked a British accent, then suddenly dropped it, like I wouldn't notice.  Next?

Where'd you find them? 

Him, it was a him.  I meant "Next" as in "Your turn to share."  :)  

Oh! My worst date ever was one I walked out on midway because the dude was all sorts of awful. He'd insisted on a morning date (I am not a morning person - I agreed only because curiosity kills the cat). When we met up he was swimming in cologne - again not a dealbreaker yet, just offensive to the nose. 

Here's where he went wrong:

1. I ordered food. He ordered food. He then proceeded to say "I'm surprised you're ordering so much food, I thought women of your size only stuck to fruit and salads to watch their figure." Like somewhere in my brain there is a 10 commandments of dating, and one of them is don't tell me what to eat/not to eat. I am an adult and can figure out what I want to put in my body and it's not anyone's responsibility but my own to make sure I keep whatever figure I have.

2. He sees I'm clearly not too happy about food comment. He then tries to cover up his bad by adding more things to dislike. He says "well it's just I don't want to pay for all your food if you're not going to actually eat it!" Ok, fair point. BUT we had only just ordered. I normally assume we'll try to split the bill on dates, I don't ever expect a dude to pay for EVERYTHING unless it's been explicitly agreed upon already. Also, I just think it's impolite to discuss splitting the bill before it's even come out.

3. This was the deal-breaker moment, because I thought maybe it could still be salvaged until he decided to go on a rant about money and how much he made and how any woman would be lucky to have him. He pointed to his watch and stated "I dropped $1,000 on this watch, but I'd totally drop more for a wedding ring." That's where my limit is. First dates aren't where we talk matrimony, and especially not when you're making it sound like all I'm going to be doing is selling myself so you have a pretty trophy wife. I know the dating world is set up so there are people like this who seek each other. So I told him so, asked the waiter for my food to boxed up and I paid for my bit and got up to leave. 

The grand finale: He gets up to follow me, grabs me at the door and says "What? I don't even get a good-bye kiss?" 

So yeah, that's my worst first date story. 

Amateur.  :)

There really should be classes :-)

There are! http://www.getalovelife.net/dating-coach/dating-classes