Where To Find Love -- Or Lust:
Eric Barker stashed this in Diabolical Plans For World Domination
What scientific research has to say about where to best meet your future spouse -- or someone a lot less long term.
Cool, I never realized this:
Want to settle down? Ask a family member if they know anyone.
People meet all kinds of partners through friends. But you’re far more likely to meet your future spouse via a family member.
It makes sense now that I hear it,
Back to Eric Barker's article, online dating is a better place to meet people than work or bars.
I found this passage useful:
Conscientiousness is the personality trait correlated with happy marriages:
…our findings suggest that conscientiousness is the trait most broadly associated with marital satisfaction in this sample of long-wed couples.
In fact, it’s correlated with a lot of good things including better health, longer lives, and greater success.
More often than not you can get a feeling for how conscientious someone isjust by looking at their face.
I'm not so sure about that measure of "conscientiousness". I've had 2 divorces with women who were quite tidy but our communication wasn't up to the task of staying together.
Currently I'm a huge fan of vulnerability. It's hard. You have to earn it. It's NOT how my culture raised me.
And as I've gotten better at it, the quality of my relationships has steadily improved.
Brene Brown explains it incredibly well. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
I think when Eric refers to conscientiousness he's specifically talking about being mindful of each other, not just being tidy.
I prefer kindness and compassionate awareness as primary traits over someone that's simply conscientious, neat and organized. My God, REALLY!? Has the bar for love and desire in human relationships dropped so low that this is the best recipe for success one can hope for?
Yes, if you want to borrow my classic Italian convertible then I want you to be conscientious, neat and organized!
If you want to share my bed and my life from morning through night then I want you to be kind and compassionate and enjoy those sentiments in return while we adventure through episodes of enthusiastic pleasure. Conscientiousness be damned because we're going to speed through the French countryside eating pate, cheese and drinking wine...
And by the way, isn't there another name for being conscientious, neat and organized on a day to day basis? I think they call that a maid.
Had I read this article earlier and preferred such a low bar of dispositions in my spouse I might now be living in an IKEA warehouse with the Swiss.
When I see "conscientious" I think "compassionate". So I think what you're saying is right on.
What is the difference between kindness and compassion?
I know plenty of kind people that are simply good natured to a fault regardless who you are or what your situation might be. So I act kindly and generously all the time to everyone, because that is part of my character in every situation.
Compassion (at least to me) arises differently because, regardless whether or not you are a kind character, you are seized by an empathetic impulse and felt sense that arises from shared awareness towards another person's plight--you are tuned in to their current situation or condition, not your own. For example:
It is kind to offer the homeless passerby a glass of water.
It is compassionate to offer that person a place to stay for the night and a hot meal.