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Why rejection hurts so much - and what you can do about it, by Guy Winch, TED

Stashed in: #TED, Hurt, Awesome, @emmaseppala

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Have Zero Tolerance for Self-CriticismTempting as it might be to list all your faults in the aftermath of a rejection, and natural as it might seem to chastise yourself for what you did “wrong” — don’t! By all means review what happened and consider what you should do differently in the future, but there is absolutely no good reason to be punitive and self-critical while doing so. Thinking, “I should probably avoid talking about my ex on my next first date,” is fine. Thinking, “I’m such a loser!” is not.

Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance. Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.

Wait, what... it is tempting to list all my faults and chastise myself for what I did wrong? Rather than doing the rational thing and calling the other person a fucktard???! I think I am not the audience for this post...

Some people blame themselves. Some people blame others. 

Sometimes it's just a bad match. 

When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings). The best way to boost feelings of self-worth after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable. Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic). Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation. Applying emotional first aid in this way will boost your self-esteem, reduce your emotional pain and build your confidence going forward.

Very logical. Very well thought out. Should greatly help those suffering from rejection

Thanks Milind. See his talk below if you'd like to hear more. 

Here's the Guy Winch TED Talk:

Thanks, Adam!

You're welcome. It's a good TED Talk. Up there with Emma Seppala's:

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