An Empathic Mind: Excellent Article on the Dangers of Invalidation...
Tina Miller, MA,CFLE stashed this in peace skills
"The high EQ person will never invalidate another person's feelings...."
This blog was a GREAT read; it definitely will inform my behavior toward others.
Hey, thanks so much. I was severely "invalidated" last night, so that's why I read and posted it. It's admirable that you want to honor others with more empathy.
It's a lesson I wish more people would learn.
I've never heard of this.
how do you know if you've done it? can it be fixed?
I think that validation is a skill that anyone can learn, with practice. Is that what you meant by can it be fixed?
I don't want to invalidate anybody!!! I've been super sensitive since I was a child.Unfortunately, navigating life is hard when you're like that...so you minimize risk, ie., fewer friends, take more time to build trust, etc...
The idea that I would invalidate someone makes me feel horrible..but I think it may have happened online...and it was to someone who actually validated me at a time in my life when no one else would...it's all very heartbreaking....
I try to be careful with my online conversations, but sometimes details get in the way, so I stupidly ignore them (you can only put so much in a Tweet, post, etc...when really I should have written an essay..)
How do you explain yourself to someone you have hurt?
Esp. if sorry doesn't seem to work.
any advice would be welcome
It sounds like you're saying that you regret ignoring someone who was very much there for you in your time of need, and that it all happened online.
Is that right?
Unfortunately, I'm not even sure what happened. All I know is that this person was good to me and all I can guess is that something I did online may have made them feel invalidated. It wasn't intentional, but now the person won't even communicate with me so I can find out if I hurt them. It's just sad because I don't make many close new friends...esp. ones that I respect as much as this one....It's like the Twilight zone, or a bad dream....I couldn't respect this person more if I tried... I guess I should just let it be...not cause any more pain....it's just sad....I only meet people like this once in a blue moon...
If the person won't communicate with you then there's not a lot you can do.
It sucks that s/he would suddenly go silent, but in so doing s/he left you with few options.
Yes, what Adam says makes a lot of sense, and he puts it very succinctly.
they just want to see me suffer they way they felt they suffered....well congratulations.
When it comes to communication, nothing beats digits (phone). Except F2F.
Yes, resolving conflicts via email can be very challenging.
won't take calls or meet either.
It sounds to me like you're saying that you're confused because this rare gem of a friendship was very precious to you, and you believe that you must have done something to cause the rift, although you don't know what. It seems that you're saying that it's all very sad because you would love to heal it and remedy it if in fact you inadvertently have caused hurt. Since you have nothing but the highest esteem for this person, you're mystified as to how to proceed: it's a grievous loss to you.
Before I make any suggestion, I want do be in dialogue with you in order to insure that my understanding is accurate. It does sound very painful, and I think I can see why it would be. It sounds like you would very much like to do what it takes to resurrect the friendship, but it's like the Twilight Zone since you are getting nothing but silence, and accordingly are at a lost as to what to do. Does that sound right?
never mind. I'm letting go. best for all.