Prose

Magna Carta: “The guardian, moreover, so long as he has the wardship of the land, shall keep up the houses, parks, fishponds, stanks, mills, and other things pertaining to the land.”

Jay-Z (who also had some things to say about “stanks”): “House like the Louvre or the Tate Modern / Because I be going ape at the auction.”

Magna Carta: “Let there be one measure of wine throughout our whole realm; and one measure of ale; and one measure of corn.”

Jay-Z: “Champagne on my breath, Yes”

Advantage: Jay-Z

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Shout-Outs 

Magna Carta: Walter of Worcester

Jay-Z: Miley Cyrus, Jean-Michel Basquiat

Advantage: Jay-Z

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Danceability

Magna Carta: Soundtrack unknown, probably featured lutes; 63 long verses

Jay-Z: Features Justin Timberlake, Beyoncé, Frank Ocean; 59 minutes long

Advantage: Jay-Z

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Ability to Empower the Common Man

Magna Carta: Reined in the power of English royalty for the first time, putting limits on a lot of pretty nasty things, such as collecting payments in lieu of military service and throwing people in jail willy-nilly.

Jay-Z: Declares himself monarch: “You in the presence of a king.” Also: “They will never ever take my crown.” (Note: Probably also what King John said.)

Advantage: Magna Carta

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Impact

Magna Carta: Articulated for the first time the right to due process of law, established royalty’s place within that law (not above it), and solidified the rights of the English church.

Jay-Z: On pace to be Jay-Z’s 13th No. 1 album, setting a record for most chart-topping albums by a single artist.

Advantage: Magna Carta

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Overall Winner: Magna Carta