Stop freakin' ... Call beacon!

"I'll be right back, I'm going to go beast mode on the plumbing."

SG: I loved it! That's the second-best possible match of a Seahawk and a product, only trailing those fake penises that can cheat urine tests. Since we're here, my readers sent me some of their favorite poorly produced commercials, including Pierre Garcon as a pizza delivery guy … Haloti Ngata doing the Risky Business dancing for an ATM fee ad … Jonathan Ogden for Gebco … Richard Shermaninexplicably cackling for a Chevy commercial … Brian Orakpo and Alfred Morris for Eastern Motors… San Antonio's Big 3 being goofy… Dustin Pedroia and Jim Rice for Sullivan Tire … Stevan Ridley awkwardly chest-bumping a Cadillac Norwood boss … and a Cleveland McDonald's commercialbuilt around Braylon Edwards (!), Charlie Frye (!!!) and a running joke about Frye's name (!!!!!!!!).

But two submissions stood out. The first one came from many readers, but we'll let John from Rhode Island explain: "How did you not mention the Eastern Motors commercial? It has everything!! LaVar Arrington looking like he's going to kill someone? Check. A Kevin Jones appearance? Check. Carmelo Anthony, Laveranues Coles, Brendan Haywood, and Clinton Portis? Check. A dancing secretary, a guy doing an awesome phone dance? Check. And on top of it it is catchy as hell. You can turn this into a four-minute song and it would easily make the top 100. Check it out Bill and give it the love it deserves!!"

Tremendous! If you made a wish list for essential elements in a terrible local commercial featuring athletes, bad lip-syncing ranks right at the top. Of course, that Eastern Motors commercial can't hold a candle to Scottie Pippen's Mr. Submarine commercial from the early '90s. I had never seen it before, and as Kevin from Chicago points out, "I don't know what's more awesome — the 12-inch vertical sub, or the mid-court picnic with Scottie, Kim and Cheryl?" The answer, obviously, is both. Click on this clip or I'm never talking to you again.

"This is one six-footer I can't handle one-on-one. Ladies, let's have a party!" If there's a greater moment on YouTube, I haven't found it. We're making Mr. Submarine the Poorly Produced Local Athlete Commercial champion unless somebody can top it.