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How to Be More Charismatic: 10 Tips | Inc.com


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Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.

We can't always define it, but some people have it: They're naturally charismatic.

Charistmatic people listen much more than they talk:

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.

Also, they give more than they receive. Often they don't receive at all.

Is the word charisma the best choice here? "Warmth", "kind"... there are lots of applicable words but I don't feel "charisma" is really what this article is about.

All of these qualities are universal goods. They're all nice. And charisma is more subtle than that. We don't like to admit it but some things that are charismatic are not nice. And being too nice can be totally un-charismatic and unattractive.

Steve Jobs was charismatic. He could also be a jerk. He could be a jerk while being charismatic. Power is impressive, sexy, extremely charismatic... and often not nice.

Confidence isn't on the list and that is the single most charismatic trait. The closest thing listed is self-importance -- but it's presented as a negative.

This list seems to me to be qualities that often compliment after we are impressed by how charismatic someone is, sometimes as a counterpoint. "He has such a commanding presence... and he really listened to me too."

This is a good list and I would LOVE to spend time with people who embody it. But is it really charisma it's describing?

This could be my own skewed vision. Would love to hear feedback.

Warm, kind people are charismatic, but they do not define charisma.

And yes, many charismatic people throughout history were jerks -- Hitler, Stalin, Mao, etc.

I agree with you that confidence creates charisma a lot more than being warm or kind does.

So yes, I think there's something not quite right about saying these traits define a charismatic person.

The issue here is the word "charismatic". The article describes 10 habits that help make you likeable or socially adept. These are things that charismatic leaders like Steve Jobs will never be accused of being.

I like to call certain people I know "social geniuses." What I mean by this is that they have the ability to relate to anyone. My friend George puts everyone at ease, regardless of whether it's a childhood friend, a new group member, or a hotel maid.

George would describe himself as a short, hairy, not-that-handsome guy. He's not a powerful public speaker. But he does make people feel special. (Naturally, he married a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman who recognized his genius).

Perhaps a better title would be "How To Be A Social Genius."

Nice comment, Chris. The article has a nice tag line "Charisma isn't something you have. It's something you earn."

Social Geniuses (to use your phrase) earn this by being who they are, and not acting up. They exude certain Genuineness that attracts others, and it is interesting that the word 'Geniuses' is hidden in 'Genuineness'.

Commenting on Adam's excellent observation, giving precedes receiving in real life too, not just in the dictionary.

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