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Notallmen/Yesallwomen, secondary trauma and relearning everything for the sake of not killing each other

Stashed in: Women, Sexism, Rape, XX, XY

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Dazzingly mature, compassionate, and generous analysis of why men and women who genuinely care about each other are finding it hard to discuss -- and yet impossible not to discuss! -- gender relations in the wake of numerous traumatic incidents this year.

It is hard as a male to hear stories of mistreatment of women, just in the day to day act of being female.

So I can only imagine (literally, I can only imagine) how hard it really is when the men in my life- my husband, my brother, my male cousins, my dear friends, my colleagues and classmates- hear about the things that I experience, just in the day to day act of being female. And I think that I can get the act of telling these things on my part is a lot less painful than the act of listening on theirs. I mean, telling can be kind of a relief, sometimes! In telling, I get to share my experience and get support, I get to feel validated and less isolated, and I get to work through my feelings, brainstorm ways to handle situations in the future. Telling can transform the experience! (I am a professional listeners of tellers, and my whole goal is to get to the point where the telling becomes a transformative experience!)

Just for shits and giggles, here is a well-respected newspaper columnist openly discussing the "coveted status" of being a sexual assault victim:

"Combine this with capacious definitions of sexual assault that can include not only forcible sexual penetration but also nonconsensual touching. Then add the doctrine that the consent of a female who has been drinking might not protect a male from being found guilty of rape."

If a woman has been drinking, apparently this guy thinks men should be able to rape her without it being a crime!!! So yes, even paranoids like WOMEN WHO DRINK AT ALL actually have enemies. Here are the links, note that they are not from female-friendly or politically-correct outlets:

Geez. I'm getting a sense that poor male attitudes are pervasive in our society.

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