You’ve got to hand it to Time Warner Cable’s lawyers — they certainly deserve an A+ for creative writing. Per The National Journal, both Time Warner Cable and the National Cable and Telecommunications Association lobbying group have filed comments with the Federal Communications Commission warning that major Internet companies such as Google, Facebook and Netflix are the real threats to net neutrality because they could threaten to charge ISPs extra money for the rights to let their customers access their websites. We are sadly not joking.

“A relatively concentrated group of large [Web companies] — such as Google, Netflix, Microsoft, Apple, Amazon, and Facebook — have enormous and growing power over consumers’ ability to access the content of their choice on the Internet,” writes the NCTA. “It makes no sense to focus exclusively on Internet access providers and ignore conduct by [websites] that threatens similar harms.”

Unmitigated gall of Time Warner. Despicable.