Don’t apologize for what you think you did wrong. Apologize for what they think you did wrong.

People react most positively to apologies that are congruent with their self-construals.

The most effective apologies have four parts:

1. Acknowledge that you did it.

2. Explain what happened.

3. Express remorse.

4. Repair the damage, as much as you can.

this is what i tell my boys!  and it KILLS them to do all these steps!!  i should video one of their reluctant apologies...

I'd like to see that, actually. :)

good.  i have plenty of opportunities to make one!  4-year-old apology video coming up...

They have a lot to apologize for, eh?

hitting, pinching, yelling, scratching, shoving, taking... it's constant.  and it could definitely be put to the beat of daft punk's technologic!

Heh, those Daft Punk songs write themselves. 

Why do children insist on so much bad behavior? Are they testing the world?

there's a great scene in malcolm in the middle where dewey says, "you know, i just figured it out: it's not mom, it's us."  and then he is good as gold and his mom doesn't have to yell at him anymore, instead she's calm and smiling every time she interacts with him.  the other two brothers are utterly confused!!

Aha! So they CAN be taught!

eventually, yes.  :)

Lessons are repeated until they are learned.