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How Guy Fieri ruined the Food Network

Stashed in: Good Eats!, America!, Narcissists!, Telly

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He dresses like twenty years ago, talks to us like we're idiots, never actually cooks, and espouses a diet that at best leads to diabetes:

How did this polar change happen? Two words: Guy Fieri. That’s right, the so-called rock-n-roll comfort food king — but more accurately the extremely unhealthy-looking, ear-splitting maniac who thinks he’s fronting a college garage band circa 1995.

Let’s break this down. One of my biggest pet peeves is the way local news reporters talk. They deliver news to viewers like we’re all 5-year-olds, with their excessive use of alliteration and disproportionate pauses between words. Guy Fieri has adopted this local-news-reporter intonation and cadence, except Guy is also shouting for some reason. He is incessantly screaming at us to eat concoctions such as beer-battered meatball sandwiches, wrapped in a pizza and deep-fried in lard. What’s for dessert? A sheet cake dipped in pancake batter, dunked in butter frosting and sprinkled with Pop-Tarts. In short, Guy’s trying to kill us. 

While Michelle Obama campaigns for Americans to make healthier food choices, the Food Network relentlessly promotes Guy Fieri – a guy who wants us to combust via consumption of highly processed inedibles.

Yet, despite being a grown man with a penchant for Billabong clothing, Guy shouldn’t incur all the blame. The real fault should be assigned to the people who gave this madman a platform from which to spout his nutso rants.

The Food Network’s programming schedule should be populated with the pacifying voices of Ina, Martha, Nigella, even Mario Batali. 

Instead we get Guy Fieri screaming at us to adopt a diet that will at best yield diabetes. I get it – Guy won your first “Food Network Star” competition so you had to give him his own show. Yet, unless I’m mistaken, you only had to give him one show. Instead he is all over Food Network’s primetime programming. Guy not only hosts “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives,” very loudly referred to as “TRIPLE D!” — which seems to run repeatedly from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. — but also now appears on at least six other shows on the Food Network. In addition to “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives,” Guy can also annoy you while hosting “Guy’s Grocery Games,” “Guy’s Big Bite,” “Rachel vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off,” “Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off,” and “Food Network Star.”

And please note how Guy isn’t actually cooking on any of those shows. Considering the slop he tries to pass off as palatable, this is actually a blessing. However, he’s still there, in our face, gorging himself and ranting like an imbecile on fire. Perhaps this is why there has been a mass exodus of genuinely talented chefs, such Jacques Pépin, Sara Moulton, Ming Tsai, Lidia Bastianich and others, to more esteemed networks like PBS. They just couldn’t compromise their brand integrity and personal dignity for the sake of those lucrative Food Network tie-ins.

I really miss Ming Tsai but you can find him here:


There's always the Emmy-award winner Anthony Bourdain on CNN:  I can't say enough good about his show.

Or you can watch Chopped:  Chopped is an American reality based cooking television series created by Dave Noll and Michael Krupat, with executive producer Linda Lea, and hosted by Ted Allen that pits four chefs against each other competing for a chance to win $10,000. New episodes air every Tuesday at 10 p.m. ET on Food Network. The show is known for being edgier than most programming aired on the network, using censored language frequently.  (Also fun to not watch and just listen.)

Chopped is a pretty amazing show. 

They're completing their Champion tournament on Tuesday. 

I love Ted Allen but not Chopped. I do love Ming Tsai--I have eaten at his restaurant a couple times, and had the best experience ever. It's amazing. And he cooks. Beautiful. 

Where is Ming's restaurant?

Is Ted Allen on anything besides Chopped?

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