The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems â€” And How To Fix Them | Observer
Eric Barker stashed this in Diabolical Plans For World Domination
Here's an excellent summary:
- The four thingsÂ that kill relationships: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.
- The threeÂ things that prevent them: Know your partner, respond positively to â€śbidsâ€ť and admire your partner.
- The best predictor of relationship success is how you and your partner tell your â€śstory of us.â€ť
- The beginning of the conversation is crucial. Negativity compounds. Keep a cool head and resist emotional inertia.
One last thing that really blew me away: what makes for happy relationshipsÂ sounds a lot like what makes for happiness in general.
Research shows, happy peopleÂ seek out the positive and are grateful for it. Unhappy people find the negative in everything.
Thereâ€™s a very similar dynamic in relationships:Â Masters scan their relationship for good things, disasters are always notingÂ the bad.
And not only thatâ€”the Mastersâ€™ way of looking at the world is actuallyÂ moreÂ accurate. Hereâ€™s John:
People who have this negative habit of mind miss 50 percent of the positivity that outside objective observers see. So the positive habit of mind is actually more accurate. If you have a negative habit of mind, you actually distort toward the negative and you donâ€™t see the positive.Â People with the positive habit of mind, itâ€™s not that they donâ€™t see the negativeâ€”they do, they see itâ€”but they really emphasize the positive in terms of the impact on them. Thatâ€™s the difference.