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How to make people like you: 6 science-based conversation hacks, by Eric Barker featuring Adam Grant

Stashed in: Conversations, Networking, Influence!, Negotiation, @bakadesuyo, Awesome, Feedback, Give and Take

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1. Encourage people to talk about themselves.

It gives their brain as much pleasure as food or money.

2. To give feedback, ask questions.

If you use questions to guide people toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, they're less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through.

3. Ask for advice.

Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion expert Robert Cialdini and many others have all recommended asking for advice as a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.

Wharton professor Adam Grant breaks down the science behind it:

New research shows that advice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack authority. In one experiment, researcher Katie Liljenquist had people negotiate the possible sale of commercial property. When the sellers focused on their goal of getting the highest possible price, only eight percent reached a successful agreement. When the sellers asked the buyers for advice on how to meet their goals, 42 percent reached a successful agreement. Asking for advice encouraged greater cooperation and information sharing, turning a potentially contentious negotiation into a win-win deal. Studies demonstrate that across the manufacturing, financial services, insurance and pharmaceuticals industries, seeking advice is among the most effective ways to influence peers, superiors, and subordinates. [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success]

4. The two-question technique.

Ask them about something positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how they're feeling about life in general.

Sounds silly, but this method is based on research by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman.

A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question:

5. Repeat the last three words.

Active listening has incredible power, and hostage negotiators use it to build rapport. What's the quick and dirty way to do active listening without training? Social skills expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition: "…simply repeat — or parrot — the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner's court."

It shows you're listening and interested, and it lets them get back to telling their story. You've got to be slightly savvy about this one, but it's surprisingly effective.

Surprisingly effective?

Yes, it is.

It is?

Research shows repetition is effective in negotiations as well.

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