Good Advice from Jack Donaghy:

Lesson #1: You don’t need anyone.

The most important thing is to know who you can trust and who you can’t trust.

The key to success is to determine your opponent’s strengths and, more importantly, his weaknesses. Everyone has a “tell”—a weakness of character that manifests itself physically.

Nothing brings a team together like a harrowing experience.

Effectively synergize backward overflow.

Go easy on the pizza.

Young women will buy just about anything.

There is only one way to break up with a rat. You have to cut him off completely. You have to stuff your heart with steal wool and tin foil.

Don’t smother a child with affection to compensate for not having a man in our life. Don’t say, “You’re the only man I’ll ever love.” Even babies know that’s creepy. If your child is a gifted flutist and a hockey player, don’t make him play the national anthem in front of his teammates. Don’t put little notes in his lunch bag that say, “Mommy’s watching you.” People find those things.

There is a crushing guilt that comes with being a Catholic. Whether things are good or bad, or you are simply eating tacos in the park, there is always the crushing guilt.

Spectacle: It’s what people want. The Romans knew it, Louie Couture knew it, Wolfowitz knew it.

Your hair is your headsuit.

All May-December relationships end in humiliation.

Every great getaway has the moment where you want to pack it all in and stay.

There are no bad ideas in brainstorming.

Worrying about making the world a better place is a complete waste of time and it prevents you from dealing with this. (Makes a hand gesture that makes it clear that “this” means, “the problems in your own personal life.”)

Every time you meet a new person figure out how you’re going to fight them.

“Push the Envelope.” You know who uses that phrase? People who don’t have the guts or the brains to work inside the system.

Never go with a hippie to a second location.

If you make enough money, you can pay people to look at you naked.

There are no rules in love.

Emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack. Their self-loathing translates into…(No need to finish this sentence…he didn’t and it is because we all know what the self-loathing translates into.)

The worst people are graduate students.

Rich 50 is middle class 38.

You can’t fight synergy.

Don’t dress for the job you have. Dress for the job you want.

The Italians have a saying: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct.

Empathy. It's about as useless as the Winter Olympics.

There is nothing wrong with being fun and popular and giving people what they want.

Sometimes the way back up is down.

The US car industry was run by a bunch of out-of-touch white guys selling a product consumers didn’t want.

Small towns are where you see the kindness and goodness and courage of everyday Americans—the folks who are teaching our kids, running our prisons, rolling our cigarettes—people who are still living by core American values.

The rule of three is just a myth. It doesn’t exist. Like going bald with dignity.

With Manhattan real estate there are no rules. It’s like check-in at an Italian airport.

Human empathy is as worthless as the winter Olympics.

A New York minute is seven seconds.

Let me tell you a story: It’s 1994. I went ice climbing and I fell into a crevasse. I hurt my leg and couldn’t climb back up. So fighting every natural instinct, doing the thing that seemed the most awful to me, I climbed down into the darkness. And that’s how I got out. When I got back to base camp I went and found my fellow climber—the one who cut me loose after I fell. And I said, “Connie Chung, you did the right thing.”

Your job is to manage the crazy and bring out the talent.

Never do business with a friend, never be friends with a woman, and lose the leather bracelet.

There is only one way to take children off the table: Get a vasectomy.

Beach sex is the best sex after elevator and White House.

Let me give you some advice on how to unite a divided people: Find a common enemy. For example, what keeps people polite on airplanes? A shared hatred of the CBS sitcoms they are forced to watch.

News anchors and breasts are always smaller than they appear on TV.