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The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult - NYTimes.com


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Ouch. So true.

This is a common problem that social media does not help with, unfortunately.

Facebook does not help you make friends.

The article says:

That was four years ago. We’ve seen each other four times since. We are “friends,” but not quite friends. We keep trying to get over the hump, but life gets in the way.

Our story is not unusual. In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook. But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.

As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.

No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.

Time is important to friendship.

And the main thing we lack from 25 to 55 is time.

I keep thinking about this article.

I think it represents a genuine opportunity for PandaWhale.

That would be great, Adam. And it made me think of this post about loneliness and Facebook usage:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-facebook-making-us-lonely

People connecting around common interests is a powerful thing.

Only Twitter and Tumblr are good for that online, and each of them has its limitations. Maybe Google+ too.

Facebook does seem like it makes people lonelier.

What struck me most about the article I excerpted in that post was research that sites like FB can help if they leverage us into more real interaction with friends and harm if they try to replace it.

So they're good as additive, but not good instead of. That makes sense.

Too bad so many people do the latter. :(

We're lazy. Even when we know what is right we don't always do it. We do what is easy:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/when-faced-with-moral-dilemmas-do-we-do-what

We need to make the good things the defaults, manipulate context and lower the "activation energy" of behavior we wish to encourage:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-most-effective-way-to-change-you-be

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-an-easy-trick-for-quitting-bad-habits-a

Those are useful links; thank you.

Still, this whole discussion has me thinking about the nature of friendship and learning.

Friendship comes from shared values, interests, and time.

We learn about things that we value and are interested in; real learning also takes time.

So it seems like friendship and leaning are very connected.

 I lean toward learning.  :-)

But this I find NOT to be true:  "As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life

felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities

change and people often become pickier in what they want in their

friends."

Depends on the person.  Some people are just naturally more open to new experiences/people and some people aren't and never were, not even in their youth.  Personality type is everything.

Personality type is a lot, but amount of free time counts for something, too.

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