Sum up

So here's what John had to say:

1. The four things that kill relationships: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.
2. The three things that prevent them: Know your partner, respond positively to "bids", and admire your partner.
3. The best predictor of relationship success is how you and your partner tell your "story of us."
4. The beginning of the conversation is crucial. Negativity compounds. Keep a cool head and resist emotional inertia.

One last thing that really blew me away: what makes for happy relationships sounds a lot like what makes for happiness in general.

Research shows, happy people seek out the positive and are grateful for it. Unhappy people find the negative in everything.

There's a very similar dynamic in relationships: Masters scan their relationship for good things, disasters are always noting the bad.