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why developing self-compassion is much healthier than self-esteem

Stashed in: Interconnectedness!, #love, Compassion, @emmaseppala, Self Compassion

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Self-compassion is not beating yourself up when things go wrong, but is it also not congratulating yourself much when things go right? I think so.


because self-compassion is about love, not pride.

i also like that it brings connection to others because we recognize that we are all fumbling along.

Oh, I thought self-compassion was about assuaging the emotional roller coaster: it's never as bad as you think, and it's never as good as you think.

I have to think about how self-compassion is about love. Love is about selflessness, right?

What is love?

i think assuaging the ups and downs is self-soothing, which is part of self-compassion but not all of it.

love is about selflessness. it is also about acceptance and appreciation and letting go of judgment.

love is hard to put into words.  i'll have to think about that...

Please do. I know love when I see it but I too have difficulty describing it. 

Definitions of self-compassion and self-esteem:

Of course we don’t want to suffer from low self-esteem either, so what’s the alternative? There is another way to feel good about ourselves: self-compassion. Self-compassion involves being kind to ourselves when life goes awry or we notice something about ourselves we don’t like, rather than being cold or harshly self-critical. It recognizes that the human condition is imperfect, so that we feel connected to others when we fail or suffer rather than feeling separate or isolated. It also involves mindfulness — the recognition and non-judgmental acceptance of painful emotions as they arise in the present moment. Rather than suppressing our pain or else making it into an exaggerated personal soap opera, we see ourselves and our situation clearly.

It’s important to distinguish self-compassion from self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to the degree to which we evaluate ourselves positively. It represents how much we like or value ourselves, and is often based on comparisons with others. In contrast, self-compassion is not based on positive judgments or evaluations, it is a way of relating to ourselves. People feel self-compassion because they are human beings, not because they are special and above average. It emphasizes interconnection rather than separateness. This means that with self-compassion, you don’t have to feel better than others to feel good about yourself. It also offers more emotional stability than self-esteem because it is always there for you – when you’re on top of the world and when you fall flat on your face.

there we go!  the interconnectedness of all human beings, celebrated with self-compassion!

So self-compassion is about feeling part of something bigger than ourselves?

yes—about seeing the bigger picture, and how we fit in.  it's seeing yourself as a lovable part of the whole.

Seeing yourself as WORTHY of love is something a lot of people struggle with.

well that's just it.  seeing yourself as worthy of love, whether you're up or down.  that is the heart of self-compassion. 

Why is that not peoples' natural inclination? 

Is it the consequence of childhood environment?

Here's the key: Unlike self-esteem, self-compassion does not lead to blaming others in order to feel good about oneself.

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