Here’s what we learned from Kristin:

• Building self-esteem doesn’t work. Unless you’re trying to be a narcissist. If you are… uh, congratulations?
• Self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem without the downsides. If you don’t believe me, go read the stuff above that you skipped.
• Talk to yourself kindly, the way you would a friend in need. Yes, it’s that simple.

Did I make this clear? (If not, I compassionately forgive myself.)

Seriously, it’s not easy but don’t give up. In fact, at first, being self-compassionate can be hard. Why?

You need to admit you screwed up. Being self-compassionate means you can’t be in denial or rationalize. And that hurts at first. Ironically, becoming self-compassionate requires self-compassion.

But it’s not a paradox. It’s like a muscle. Exercise it and it will grow. Here’s Kristin:

The practice itself has to be approached in a self-compassionate manner. It’s a slow process. It can feel like you’re doing it wrong somehow. In fact it’s very important to know this is part of the natural healing process.

Stop beating yourself up. Admit you made a mistake. And then treat yourself kindly like you would a friend who screwed up.

As Kristin explains in her book:

Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to provide you with care and kindness? You.