A Son 'Cuts,' and a Father Struggles - NYTimes.com
Jared Sperli stashed this in life
Cutting divides a whole into separate parts, the dividing line defined by pain. I don’t want to allow that dividing line to work its way into the bond between me and my son. I am still trying to figure out my son’s stories and am sure that I will make some missteps. I must explore this, because I believe my son needs it to heal.Perhaps trying to understand these stories together will be more helpful than if I submitted my son to the traditional therapy that is often recommended in cases like his. I feel guilty that he’s reached this point where he has to express his own pain in such a harmful manner. Like most parents, I blame myself. Maybe I need to get away from this. I think I’ll go for a run, and ask my son to join me.
I've come to realize that most parents blame themselves and most children blame their parents.
Raising a child is consistently the hardest thing a person will ever do.
I can only imagine what the dad is going through, but I think solutions for most cases is exercise of some variety. Cutting is used to feel, get blood pressure, and be in control. Well, I get a lot of those feelings from working out or kung fu or running or yoga or whatever. Parents lead by example more than anyone so having a fantastic example of personal health, I hope, is a good way to keep all those changing and uncontrollable emotions directed toward a better version of you.
Exercise is a good solution for a lot of things, it seems.
The more I read about exercise, the more of a believer in it I become.
It's strange, but I remember lots of ways I found the pain cave as a kid (swimming competitively, bicycle and skateboard crashes, surfing wipeouts) and the idea of self-inflicted never entered my mind.
I half way think these contributed to my risk tolerance and willingness to explore emotional pain.
My kids are learning that scrapes and bruises heal, don't need drama, and that they can feel in lots of ways.
Hopefully they will enter adulthood with more freedom than I had :-)