Inability to forgive others without an apology predicts earlier age of death

After controlling for religiosity, social class, and health-related behaviors (smoking and drinking), the one quality of forgiveness that predicted mortality was conditional forgiveness of others.  People high on the scale of conditional forgiveness, meaning they will only forgive others on conditional terms, died before people who scored low on this measure.

Why would an inability to forgive others without an apology or promise to change predict earlier age of death? 

When the authors delved into this finding, they suggested that people who make these demands for forgiveness continue to harbor resentment and grudges, emotions that can impair their heart’s health. Continually nursing those negative feelings keeps your stress levels high, and it’s that stress that ultimately exacts a cost of earlier death.  It’s important, then, to break forgiveness down into its specific components.

One of the obvious problems with conditional forgiveness is that it requires some sort of response from the person who’s wronged you.

If that person is no longer alive or is no longer in contact with you, it will be impossible for you to reap out your forgiveness in return.  Dr. Toussaint, in an email communication to me, noted that “this could reflect decades of waiting or anticipating that the conditions might be met for them to finally get over something.” According to the findings, some of these individuals would never have gotten the apologies they awaited.  

In contrast, if you decide to forgive the wrongdoer without an apology, then you can start the process at any time. The sooner the psychological healing begins, the more likely it is that your health will reap the benefits.

So... Emotions really can break your heart?!

Whoa. 

we are so interconnected!  even within our own bodies.

I always thought broken heart was a metaphor. Now I have to rethink that.

Usually a broken heart is associated with love not inability to forgive!