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things to say to someone you love having a tough time


Stashed in: #love, Words!, Listen!, Empathy, Awesome, Music Videos!, Heart, Life Hacks, Empathy, Good advice, @marcandangel, compassion

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Actually, I liked the last three the best.

18. Be Kind To Yourself

When someone is going through a hard time, they may feel so frustrated by their problems that they resort to beating themselves up or not allowing themselves a minute of reprieve from the issue. Remind your loved one that tough times are easier when we’re kind to ourselves. They are allowed “time off” from their problem to have a laugh, treat themselves, and be around good people. Relieving stress can actually help them to come back to the problem refreshed and recharged.

19. People Want to Help

If your loved one is suffering, they may believe that they have to go through it all by themselves. They may not want to burden others with their problems, and won’t want to ask for help. Remind them that most people are amenable to helping; in fact, helping feels good. The reason people have different strengths is precisely so that they can help each other. Encourage your loved one to seek extra help should they need it.

20. I’m There For You

The strength of these words can not be underestimated. Letting your loved one know that you’re there for them, and that you will listen to their feelings, dry their tears, or even just be around, can mean everything to someone going through hell. Just being a non-judgmental, caring presence in your loved one’s life can make a massive difference in how they feel and how they cope.

Why go to Rap Genius when we can watch it instead?

omg that video is so good!!

Yeah, brilliant rec, Geege!

All excellent advice. "20 - I'm there for you" should be first on the list, I think.  Quiet non-judgemental presence is so important at the start of a tough time.  Before much of the other advice can be put to good use a person usually needs to grieve in some fashion or hurt or blame themself or whatever.  Clearly this shouldn't go on for too long but it needs to happen.  It's basic empathy that is needed.  After that the person can move from that emotional place of hurt to a more logical moving forward place where the issues can be reframed and the other 19 steps can be used more effectively.

I agree with you -- it should have been first.

Perhaps they wanted a strong closer?

Perhaps....but in any case they maybe should have emphasized it as step 1.....

Well, their #1 was okay, too.

1. It’s OK Not to Be OK

When people are struggling, they often make themselves feel worse by placing unrealistic expectations on themselves. They beat themselves up for having a problem and feeling unable to cope with it. Remind your loved one that they are no less of a person just because they are facing something challenging right now. You love them and will support them in good times and bad.

I can see why they led with this. Validate the person's feelings.

Yes, it's very important....I would argue it's first after twenty....initially it's about listening then comes reminding when they can listen back.

Right. Listen, then listen some more. 

"take turns listening" sounds like a band name to me!

or  just as you had it, adam: listen, then listen some more.

aka "Stop Collaborate and Listen" :)

Added to the list of rock band names:

http://pandawhale.com/post/37974/candida-and-the-veggies-would-be-a-great-rock-band-name

omg too perfect!!

I wonder why it's so hard for some people to listen.

because it requires not thinking about ourselves... and some of us are very self-absorbed!

Self absorption must have been important to survival at one point.

Because some people are so good at it!

hahaha!  so true.

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