3 Skills That All Emotionally Intelligent People Master, by Chade-Meng Tan
Rich Hua stashed this in Emotional Intelligence
Essentially, EI is a collection of mental and emotional skills. Therefore, to train EI, all you have to do is to train your mind to acquire those skills. In Search Inside Yourself, we do that in three steps:
Step 1: Attention training. Attention is the basis of all higher cognitive and emotional abilities. Specifically, the idea here is to train attention to create a quality of mind that is calm and clear at the same time. That quality of mind forms the foundation for emotional intelligence.
Step 2: Self-knowledge and self-mastery. Use your sharpened attention to create high-resolution perception into your own cognitive and emotive processes. With that, you become able to observe your thought stream and the process of emotion with high clarity, and to do so objectively from a third-person perspective. Once you can do that, you create the type of deep self-knowledge that eventually enables self-mastery.
Step 3: Creating pro-social mental habits. Qualities such as kindness and compassion can be created as mental habits. For example, imagine whenever you meet anybody, your habitual, instinctive first thought is, "I wish for this person to be happy." This is the mental habit of kindness and is highly trainable the same way you train other mental habits.
There are also compelling personal benefits, and the most basic of those occur in three categories: calmness and clarity of mind, resilience, and more satisfying relationships.
First, you become increasingly skillful at calming the body and mind and seeing things clearly and objectively, even in difficult situations. There are studies that show just a few weeks of mindfulness training can reduce the activity of the part of the brain associated with fear and panic, called the amygdala. There is also a fascinating 2014 study that shows that with merely 15 minutes of mindfulness meditation, you can begin to overcome cognitive bias in decision making.
Second, as you become increasingly skillful at calmness and clarity, you also become increasingly resilient in the face of life's difficulties. Like a kung fu fighter who can defeat more powerful opponents as she becomes more skillful at martial arts, in the same way, you can manage life's problems with increasing ease and joy as your practice gets deeper.
Third, you begin to see yourself with increasing kindness, and you begin to see everyone with increasing kindness, and because of that, relationships become more satisfying. With kindness, happy relationships become happier, neutral relationships become happy, and unhappy relationships become manageable.
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