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The last damn thing you'll ever need to read about influence, persuasion and negotiation: - Barking up the wrong tree

Warning: dark arts are explained in service of full disclosure

8:14 AM May 23 2012

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A good portion of being a good negotiator is just being a good person. Believe that you can improve your negotiating skills and you can.

12:00 AM May 24 2012

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First impressions are an even bigger deal than you thought. In fact, we can be a slave to them.

11:56 PM May 23 2012

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Similarity, mimicry and being in sync are all very powerful. Always always always always always be thinking about things you have in common. The first thing you should say in a negotiation is something very similar to what the guy on the other side of the table just said. Mimicry is more powerful than you think.

12:02 AM May 24 2012

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6:09 AM May 24 2012

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Happiness makes you a better negotiator. Think positive about the negotiation and give others a reason to do so as well. Expecting others to be selfish can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

11:57 PM May 23 2012

There are solid persuasion lessons to be learned from top telemarketers, great salesmen and FBI hostage negotiators. Make them say "yes yes yes" and they will probably say yes.

12:03 AM May 24 2012

Don't use round numbers. Yes, we like $1.99 more than $2.00 even if we say we know it's a trick.

11:59 PM May 23 2012

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Just remembering the other person's name makes you more persuasive. Asking someone how they feel, having them verbally respond, and then acknowledging that response, facilitates compliance. Listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more.

Touch people. Be funny. Always ask if this is a good time. Let them sleep on it. People will be more likely to agree with you if you make your choice sound like the status quo. "Obscenity at the beginning or end of the speech significantly increased the persuasiveness of the speech." Emotion is the key to being more credible when complaining.

Name dropping doesn't work. Obvious and insincere flattery does.

Sit in the middle to be more influential during a meeting. And repeat yourself.

No evidence can sometimes be more persuasive than weak evidence.

12:06 AM May 24 2012

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Funny, having dealt with all types of sales people, hostile customers, subversive employees, and entrepreneurial hucksters, I'd like to think I'm pretty much immune to most all of those techniques.

7:08 AM May 24 2012

That's what you think, Greg. ;)

1:47 PM May 24 2012

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I hope for your sake that feelings about persuasion don't work along the same lines as feelings about self-control:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/which-people-are-most-likely-to-give-in-when

;)

1:57 PM May 24 2012

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Really great article! I'm definitely going to stash this for later.

One thing that I often struggle with is gauging my audience's interest. There are times where I get on a long rant about something I feel strongly about and when I pause to let others chime in there are crickets. I'd like to think that they are engaged in what I'm saying, but that can't always be the case.

Do you have any tricks for how to persuasively rant for a couple minutes and then end it without your listener wondering how to respond?

12:07 PM May 24 2012

My two cents would be: don't rant. (I am a recovering rant-er myself.)

Ranting isn't generally very persuasive. It's often very logical/rational/forebrain-oriented and most of what makes people change their minds is emotional. It's also very me me me and people just don't respond to that well because they too are thinking me me me. Pausing, asking questions and other things to keep it a conversation would be a natural first step to gauging interest.

I'd check out the links regarding FBI Hostage Negotiation. Everything starts with listening and understanding, and the entry point is always the *other* person's perspective:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-you-use-hostage-negotiation-techniques-to

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-7-negotiating-tricks-can-we-learn-from-f

12:32 PM May 24 2012

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I like your two cents. Thanks

12:39 PM May 24 2012

Eric Barker, you're awesome! Thanks for the thought-provoking content:)

9:32 PM May 24 2012

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