How can you live life without regret?
Eric Barker stashed this in Regret
Stashed in: #inspiration, #health, #happiness, Best PandaWhale Posts, Gratitude, Stress, Practice, Zen, Life, #kindness, Courage, Wizard of Oz, Decisions, @bakadesuyo, Awesome, Compassion, Ethics, The Internet is my religion., Aging
This is a great roll-up post, Eric. You even have the 5 things people most regret on their deathbeds.
My two favorite points:
You're more likely to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did. (The split is about 75/25.) http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-we-regret-the-most
You're more likely to regret purchasing things. You're more likely to regret NOT purchasing experiences. http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-we-regret-buying-what-do-we-regret-no
It's very Wizard of Oz, but many people regret not having courage. http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-people-regret-the-most-before-they-di
Why can't people have more courage?
We spend nearly half of our day on autopilot.
And when we are making choices, much of what we decide is unconsciously guided by habit and context.
Even when we have free time we often don't do what would make us happy, we just do what's easy.
(Same thing goes for doing what is ethical.)
But there are only 24 hours in a day.
16 hours if you get enough sleep.
What's the optimal use of a day's 16 hours?
It feels like there's about 100 hours worth of stuff I want to cram in there...
I believe it is the @DalaiLama who says a life of compassion and kindness is a life without regret.
That's a paraphrase. What he actually said:
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama
I'm wondering if my conclusion is correct that kindness and compassion leads to happiness and self-esteem, leads to a life without regret.
I think you're definitely on to something.
The regret-curing trick I mention leverages gratitude:
"...making downward (relative to upward) social comparisons was consistently related to reduced regret intensity over time among older adults. Among young adults, making downward social comparisons with personally known others, as opposed to age peers, was associated with lower regret intensity."
A variation on this same process stimulates happiness:
I think it's hard to be thankful, happy and feel too much regret at the same time. :)
That's my instinct, too: gratitude and happiness do not leave room for regret.
It's great to hear that spelled out in a way that makes sense.
Something that has come to bother me is that people who are capable of compassion often cannot show that same compassion to themselves. For example, Pandawhale might spend the day reading and playing with the cat, because he is exhausted. If a friend did that and told him, he would say "good for you!" but instead he feels guilty for not doing the 100 things that are pressing on his mind.
Not that is you, Adam, just an example. ;)
But compassion for yourself opens up even deeper levels of compassion for others; it's a cycle of joy.
There's always more that we can do.
But Theodore Roosevelt had it right:
Do what you can with what you have, where you are.
Love your thinking, Christina.
One of the most interesting ways I've found for beating procrastination aligns with what you said: forgive yourself.
Sometimes,it is better to be a fool to go after what we want and need, rather than to regret everything in the end because we never even tried.
Not sometimes. ALWAYS it is better to go after what we need and want than to not try.