Ten Techniques to Build Rapport
Geege Schuman stashed this in Sincerity
Of the ten techniques mentioned, number 6 (validation) stood out for me.
There are many types of validation. Robin identifies three of them.
This is the simplest and one of the most effective. Just listen to someone can produce amazing results. Where we run into problems is keeping our own thoughts, ideas, and stories out of the conversation.
True validation coupled with ego suspension means that you have no story to offer, that you are there simply to hear theirs.
And there is another benefit. When the focus is on the other person and we’re not anxious to tell our own story, we also tend to remember the details. We’re mindful.
… few people naturally use this to its fullest potential, and, most of the time, we don’t realize when it is being used; all we know is we really like the person who gives it.
Demonstrating thoughtfulness in words and actions with everyone in our lives is a simple and effective way to improve our relationships.
Validate Thoughts and Opinions
This technique is quite difficult because of “our innate need to correct others and the difficulty we have suppressing our own egos.”
But if you remember that we like people who are like us, you’ll immediately grasp the power of validating thoughts and opinions of others.
The best way to get someone to do what you want them to do is to have them come up with the idea. The best way to have them come up with your idea is, no surprise, to honestly understand the other person’s point of view and then build upon that base with your ideas.
How to make friends and influence people:
Excellent post with some simple yet powerful fundamentals for better human connection. I thought this one was so simple yet so poignant:
I’ve been trying these out over the last few days and I’ve already noticed an improvement. Most importantly, I’ve put away my phone and focused on the person with whom I’m talking. This simple act of giving people my undivided attention has made a world of difference.
If we all just did this one basic thing, it would be a good start.
No smart phones, no iWatches, no Google Glass, no watching the television in the background...
Rereading the original article, number 2 (smile and be non-threatening) is also a good rule of thumb:
This is a pretty simple one. You want to look non threatening. The number one nonverbal technique to use to look more accommodating is to smile.
This isn’t new. It’s the second of six principles in Dale Carnegie’s book,How to Win Friends and Influence People.
You can however accentuate your smile in a subtle way.
Adding a slight head tilt shows the other person that you have comfort with them and trust them. Another nonverbal to try and maintain is a slightly lower chin angle.
High chin angles make someone feel like you’re looking down at them.
Another key nonverbal is body angle. Standing toe to toe with someone else can be intimidating.
A slight body angle or blade away from the individual you are engaging will present a much more accommodating nonverbal.
How you shake hands matters too.
An accommodating handshake is one that matches the strength of the other, and also takes more of a palm up angle.
Chin down, Joker, chin down!